I’m making small steps towards living the kind of life I feel I need to live. I do the basic, known-for-a-long-time things like set the thermostat to 68 at night, use natural light indoors as long as I can during the day, if it’s brown flush it down (although I do flush the yellow about once a day). But I’ve also replaced almost all of my light bulbs with LED bulbs. I also try not to forget to turn the thermostat off when I’m leaving for at least a couple of hours, and I also try not to forget to turn off the power strips where my laptop and mixer are as well as the power strip where my internet router is.
I put damn near everything in recycling, because well, damn near everything is packaged in recyclable materials these days. Mostly only food waste goes in the garbage can (don’t flame me, I don’t have the space to compost here).
When I moved into this apartment I left almost all of the furniture behind and at first I didn’t want to own anything more than maybe a chair or two, a bed (although I was seriously considering one of these), my clothes, and my guitars. I wanted to take the simple life to the absolute furthest point I could bear at the time. I’ve softened somewhat over the last couple of months as I have wanted to make this place feel like home for myself. A little classic, a little Bohemian. Even with that softening in stance, though, I shopped for decor at a local Salvation Army store, an antique shop down the street, and a couple thrift stores. To round it out, a few pieces were given or loaned to me by very generous and kind friends (as well as a floor lamp and large framed lithograph someone had placed next to the dumpster here).
I didn’t want to participate in any capitalist bullshit more than I had to; I still don’t and even furnishing the apartment is an internal struggle for me with owning things. Part of it was finally being able to be myself and part of it was really the necessity to have some furnishings for when the kids came to visit so they wouldn’t be subjected to sitting on the floor for the entirety of every time they visited.
But, there’s still that feeling of not fulling holding true to the ideals that put this current course in motion. I’m sure I’m just being really hard on myself, and it’s still an adjustment living here, free to be me. Maybe after so many years of having to compromise to make someone else comfortable, I’m not even really sure who I am. I have a romantic notion, of course, as we all do. I just hope I can live up to what the Universe had been screaming at me for so long to be.